oceans will part

"oceans will part, nations come, at the whisper of your call.... hope will rise, glory shown, in my life, Your will be done..."

Sometimes i feel crushed, bruised by the everyday adversaries and complexities.. i often forget the promises He has been constantly reminding me of and that certainly makes me feel guilty.. i never thought my life would be like this. I met him years ago, but i didn't think i would be so dumb enough to let go of him..yes, i ran away,.. i was so happy then that i 'realize' i'm tired of following the rules, that i can do things in my way.. i became a rebel , i became wild, i became unconscious... THREE times, did i attempt to go back,.. yes, THREE times, but it just seem to be hard for me.. I just feel waves of disappointment and guilt overwhelm me every time i try to go back. It feels like i'm being slapped right through my face, that i'm somewhat tortured by the emotions i feel deep inside me, that the people around me see me as a filthy individual deserving to be beheaded, that i feel i was a hypocrite all this time, that i do not deserved to be loved by him and that i'm held responsible to every thing that happens around me.. "it's my fault".. i don't want to utter this , swear.. because i do not want to admit that i really did things wrong.

This is my FOURTH attempt. i really wish i could make it this time.. i've been away for years. i want to go back, LORD, would you accept me?